Loserscopes: “Leo - The moment the clock gets turned back, you poor sun signs get the celestial shaft. This week, the cosmos will conspire to let you know what an intolerable asshole you are. From self-esteem deflating e-mails from old college friends bragging about their undeserved fame and fortune, to little birdies at your windowsill chirping ‘YOU SUCK!’ — this week will be a tough one. But you know what sucks the most? You deserve it.” Ha! Finally, conclusive proof that astrology is crap. It was cats. Not birdies.