I was forced to watch (taped) Big Brother earlier this evening. Has there ever existed a more singularly uninteresting group of people on television? (And I ask that question with full knowledge of just how deep into the abyss of dullness television has previously descended.) I’d rather watch C-SPAN in slow-mo. And yet, 8 million Americans willingly subjected themselves to it last Wednesday. My own beloved husband watches it.

Right, then. It has to be stopped. We must find a cure, and soon, before more minds are claimed by this neuron-annihilating drivel. The question remains, though: poison, explosives, or just ask really politely?